Welp, I'm heading towards the valley once again. Coming in at 4 and leaving Friday. I need to look for apartments, and if possible, apply for a job and get hired immediately haha. Many things need to happen, and they need to happen fast. Here's to luck! [raises a glass of water]

P.S. Awesome hanging out with you yesterday, Katie!

Remember that story about how Direct Loans has been billing me since October of last year? Well, the consequences of not paying them have caught up to me. Apparently they talked to my credit history, and they told them how I haven't been paying my stuff. So now, my credit limit has gone from $14,300 to $8,050!!!! Currently I'm $100 over my new credit limit, which I'm pretty sure will have some consequences.

Building that credit took me YEARS. I cannot believe how much it dropped. I'm sure that one credit number thingy FICO score is awful right about now. I tried getting a statement from my credit card so I could figure it out, but they were just talking a lot, so I got frustrated and hung up.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Things that have been happening the last few weeks:

* Decided to move down to the valley, with Fowler as my roommate.
* Decided to still be a server down there, just not at the Olive Garden.
* Decided I do way too much for friends while my friends don’t do much for me.
* Decided the chip on my tooth NEEDS to be fixed, even though people tell me they can hardly tell it’s there.
* Decided I miss Michael and Eric, and I want to visit them.
* Got stranded in Camp Verde for about 7 hours. Someone was supposed to pick me up, but no one ever came.
* I was told the most unattractive thing about me is that I don’t have a car. I’ve decided that’s also true.
* Amanda and I hung out with Fowler in Phoenix last weekend, and although nothing worked out the way we wanted it to, we still had fun. Salty Señorita was probably my favorite part.
* I’m brown like whoa.

I could have sworn I had millions to talk about, but it does not seem the case.

As for the Seattle/Vancouver adventure, I think I’ll keep that to myself. Seattle was a blast, Vancouver sucked except for the fun Irish dudes we roomed with. Eh, I'll just do the whole picture thing later.

I suppose most of you don’t know the story of how I got this face.

So I was in Seattle, drinking with some friends. When we were done, Ashley got so drunk she couldn’t walk properly. I, being a good Samaritan, decided I would help her and get some good karma points. Well, she falls down, and she takes me down with her. She bounces right back up, laughing and feeling silly she fell. I, on the other hand, fucked up the right side of my face. I bent and scratched my eyeglasses. I got scratches on the part beside my right eye, my nostril got tore up and started to bleed, my upper lip got swollen, and I scratched the bottom part of my lip.

But the worst part, as you could tell, was the chipping of my front right tooth. Everything else is healing nicely, but my tooth… Ugh. I sobbed like a little girl that night. There are few things that I like about my face, and my teeth were one of them. I’ve never had braces, and I never needed to. I got complimented on my teeth the most out of anything on me. AND NOW IT’S FLAWED! I’ve gotten over it, but crap. I don’t have insurance, so if I want to get it fixed, it’s gonna take a lot a lot a lot of money. I need for my face to heal completely so I can decide if the chip will add to my awkward charm or not.

That’s what I get for being a good person haha.

I look much better now, but the tooth... well, looks like I need to save some money to fix it.

My summer vacation is over. I just got in to Flagstaff today and my luggage is in San Francisco. I'm tired, and I don't feel like updating just yet. Perhaps tomorrow.

ADDENDUM: I can't seem to make up my mind as to where I want to live. At this rate, I'll need to flip a coin and let that decide since I keep getting torn. It's stupid: Phoenix or Seattle? It would be such a clear choice to anyone else. Why the fuck do I have to be different? =/

The trouble with boys is that they're nothing but trouble.

~ Loreta

Let’s see, the last thing I wrote about was buying a ticket to Seattle. Stoked, by the way.

I bought the ticket right after the Masquerade Ball on Saturday chez Kevin’s. I then headed down to Phoenix because Jake had invited me to a club called Club Forbidden, one of his favorites. He has good taste, so I knew I had to go. I called Fowler because I wanted to hang out with him, too. That club was awesome! They have two different rooms for two different kinds of music. I danced my little gay heart away. At one point, Fowler and I found this guy who was by himself. Fowler said we should do something, but we never got the nerve to say anything. After a ciggy break, we found the guy dancing with the moist heinous guy. We practically kicked ourselves over losing such a treasure. The best part was that the dude did NOT know how to dance. He was everywhere! Besides being attractive, the dancing made it that much special. Haha Fowler then said that he was totally over the guy, but I felt the bad dancing made him more endearing.

After the club, I took Fowler back home, and I met up with Jake and his friends at a Mexican restaurant, open 24/7 apparently. Some skaters were totally talking sh-t about the gays, and I was prepared for an all out battle. Nothing happened, though. Which I suppose is fine, because all I got is my face :P Then slumber at Jake’s.

The next day (Sunday), I spent the entire day at Jake’s doing nothing but watching the second season of Heroes. Although I felt the season ended abruptly, I was still hooked on the junk.

Monday, I left for San Luis. This is where that voice entry comes in. While driving, I turned on the A/C because at this time of the year, the valley is averaging 105° or more. Welp, while on the 85, the car suddenly refuses to accelerate. The MPH goes from 75 to 70 to 65. It was as if the car had over-heated, but the little thermometer gauge was all right. I was stranded, and there was nothing I could do! I was at the half point between Phx and Gila Bend, so out in the middle of nowhere, basically. My mom doesn’t have AAA, so I was all by myself. I pulled to the side of the road. I waited five minutes, and the car wouldn’t even start. I started to freak out because I know nothing about auto mechanics. I called Justin, Ryan and ‘Remy, seeing if they had any advice on what I could do to fix it. No one knew what was happening, so I’m like, “Aww shieet.” Eventually, after waiting maybe 45 minutes, I tried the car again, and it worked! I figured, “OK, as long as I can get to Gila Bend, then Justin can pick me up from Yuma.”

I figured the problem was something with the A/C, but just to prove it, I turned it on again several miles away from Gila Bend, and sure enough, the car pooped on me. After that, though, the car would just stop acceleration at random points during the trip. So, a trip that normally took two hours took six, I had to drive with no A/C, and I could barely survive considering I had sweat all the water that I’ve been drinking that last two weeks. I was mad, needless to say.

I finally made it to Yuma. That night, I hung out with my nieces, just playing in their little wading pool. That was fun, although, since the girls have been taking karate, they’re totally using that martial art for evil. They’re so violent to each other! Kicking, punching, yelling. I didn’t even know what to do or say, afraid they’d kick my ass. Dad came home later, then we went to go eat tacos. Done eating, I drove to San Luis to sleep at mom’s. That’s what happened that night.

Tuesday, I hung out with my mom. We did our eating-Chinese-food tradition, something we do whenever I go home. We talked about cars, my whole loan thing, where I’m going to live. She suggested I live in San Luis with her next year so that I could save some money, then it went to us buying a house together, and then that I would eventually have it for myself. Tempting, but I don’t think I could live home ever again. Especially in San Luis. It’s bad enough not having any gay contact here, but if I were to move out there, my social gay life would be non-existent. Which I suppose isn’t horrible, considering I’ve lived like that my entire life, but… I hope for something better, you know? A positive about that is that Justin would be in Yuma, so I’d get to hang out with him again. Unfortunately, the cons totally overweigh the pros. Bummer.

I was supposed to leave on the Greyhound on Wednesday morn (3:20 a.m.), so I asked my mom if I she could take me Yuma so I could hang out with Justin before I had to leave. I got to Justin’s place around 10:00 p.m., and we both decided to not sleep because neither one of us would wake up that early. We talked for a while, then we watched Fantastic Four, then some other movie I can’t remember. Mostly we talked.

So early Wednesday morning, Justin took me to the station, and off I went to Phx again. I was wearing a T-shirt, shorts, and sandals. If you’ve ever ridden on one of those buses, you know those things are freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezing. Didn’t get a wink of sleep because I was so cold. Then at the border patrol station, there was this Mexican who forgot his papers, so we were at that station for about half an hour. God I was miserable.

Got into Phx around 7 in the morning. Fowler picked me up and headed to his place. He just got back from France, and a week later, he found a great job. How’d he do that?! Anyway, he had to train later in the morning, so he just left me at his place. While he was away, I bummed around his house, then took a nap while he came back home. I don’t remember if I ate that day... Did I? Oh yeah, I did! He brought food home from his work. Good kid.

That night, we were going to meet up with Kyle to go to BS West. I volunteered to be DD (designated driver, for those who live under a rock), so Fowler and his friend Meghan pre-drank at his place. Now, BS West is a gay club, and on Wednesdays, they have 2 for 1s. I supposed that’s the place to be. Ran into Jeffrey and Braulio, and that was funny. Anyway, everyone drank, and I didn’t. It was tough on me because everyone was drinking Adios Motherf-ckers, which is just about my favorite drink. Boo!

After everyone was done drinking, I drove them all home to Chris’. I felt like having a drink, but I was so tired. We just talked some, then went to bed.

Thursday, I had planned on heading out to Prescott with Meghan. Amanda invited me up there for the weekend, and I hadn’t seen her in three weeks since she left for her vacation. We hung out the entire day, and we found time to go see Get Smart (funny, but I could have waited for the DVD). That evening, I had Peach Pork Tenderloins with her family, and that was cute. After that, we saw Ratatouille and The Holiday. Then beeeeeeeeeeeed.

Friday, Fagitron joined us later in the afternoon, and we all went out and ate sushi. Mmmm sake bombers… That evening, we went out to downtown Prescott and had a gay all time. We met up with Amber, Shannon, Kim, and Aaron. After being a DD, I let loose. Fagitron and I slept at Amanda’s because her parents and Beamer the dog love us.

Saturday, we woke up early. Well, they did, and I lagged behind like always. Amanda made us blueberry pancakes from scratch. Yes, even the batter. What a cook! Then we sun-bathed and got in her hot tub. That is the life, lemme tell ya. Unfortunately, Fagitron and I had to leave, so we went and ate Mexican food with her before coming back to Flagstaff.

Once back in Flagstaff, I had forgotten that it was Pride in the Pines weekend (Flagstaff’s gay pride thingy). Fagitron had met some dude online, and was hanging out with him, so I suggested we meet downtown later in the evening to drink some wine at the Wine Loft. We played King’s Cup there, and that was sort of embarrassing. Granted, it was my idea, but there were way too many awkward silences, I had to do something! Regardless, after last call, I went home to bed.

Sunday, I picked up a shift at the OG so I could get some extra cash before leaving for Seattle. Had lunch with Kacie at the Pita Pit, then went to work. It was very stress-free, and I think it has to do with being away for so long. I missed my friends, being busy, the guests, and making money.

Monday, I picked up a double. Didn’t make as much money as I had hoped, but money is still money, right? During my lunch break, I went to Dara Thai with Jade. Pigged out because that’s my way, but Jade was such a doll; she payed for my meal! Totally owe her.

And today was Tuesday. I worked in the morning. I couldn’t decide whether I should just do a double, but after I got home, Audrey and I ate lunch at New Frontiers, and we caught up. A quote from Will & Grace: The whore is back! LMAO

Technically, it’s Wednesday. I was going to pick up a shift in the morning, but I think I’m going to spend it cleaning my room and packing for Seattle, as well as making calls to the whole loan thing. Fagitron and I leave Flagstaff around 4 for Phx. He’s (hopefully) going to drop me off at Jake’s. He’s going to eat dinner with his parents; I’m going to eat dinner with Jake and his friends. Since it’s Wednesday… BS WEST! And I will not be a DD, so… that should be fun haha. Then we’ll sleep at Jake’s because he lives 10 minutes away from Sky Harbor airport, and then the Seattle adventure begins. So far, all I know is that we’re staying at a hostel 5 miles away from Seattle, staying at Emmy’s place Friday and Saturday, and Fagitron wants to go to Vancouver Sunday and Monday. I don’t know about that. If Seattle is hopping cool, then I won’t want to do that, but I’m keeping my mind open to opinions. Can’t wait.

And I’m done with my ridiculous long post. Ciao!

I've been on the road since Thursday, June 3. It's pretty nice, not gonna lie. I've finally escaped Flagstaff! Well, at least for a little bit.

Don't feel like updating EVERYTHING I've done, but here are some key points:

Went to this place called Dave & Busters for the first time. It's an adult arcade (adult like old, not pervy) where you can drink alcohol and shoot zombies! Micky was there to see me, and we found out we have a lot more in common than meets the eye. Then we went to Charlie's to go dance our warm gay hearts. She got some weird attention by this old dude. Anyway, she had a good time, and I'm glad.

Headed for Yuma the next day on the Greyhound bus. I wasn't even in Yuma yet, and my parents were already fighting: who's picking me up, where's he staying, what car will he drive? GAH! The dumb part was that my mom was heading for Phx at that time. Hello I could have totally gotten a ride from her! Bad planning on my part.

Met up with Justin at Inca Lanes for a while. Damn I miss that kid. We made plans to watch Kung Fu Panda and hang out later that night.

I had dinner with Bianca DLT. She has a boyfriend, and he's so cool. Totally approve. Saw Josue for a couple of seconds, but we made plans to see each other the next night.

Saw the movie (it's funny!), then we hung out with a couple of Justino's friends. Got drunk (gasp!), then we went to a bar to drink some more. I ended up on his driveway talking the entire night/morning. He was trying really hard to convince me I wasn't gay, but the most interesting thing he said was that even if he was gay, he didn't think we'd be good together. Hmm I've been getting a lot of that lately, that's bothersome. How will you know until you tried?! As if relationships are supposed to be happy times ALL the time. Silly people.

So the next day, I saw Lucia, Pilar, Bianca DLT, and Josue. We went to Burgers & Beers and had a good time catching up. I especially liked my time with Pilar and Lucia because I hadn't seen Lucia in over a year, and Pilar for like 4. It was fun!

Ooh, that's also the day I found out I owe money to the govn't. See, what happened was that Direct Loans has been billing me since Oct 07 because I went below part-time student. They've been sending me bills, but my mom didn't know they were important, so she's been throwing them away!! My first payment is $1500, which is my entire tax return. F-CKING BLOOOOOOOOWS! Meaning I can't go to DC, can't live in Canada, can't buy a car, can't do jack shit. It's awful. I was furious, but now I just need to figure out what to do and how to do it.

Drove back to Phx on Tuesday night. Hung out with Jeffrey, and it was nice. He smells good haha. Tried watching one of those straight-to-DVD American Pie movies, and it was terrible.

Wednesday I helped Jake move into his new place. Looks awesome. Had some wrestling/dry-humping with Shane. Good times. In the evening, though, I had made plans to see a bunch of people at a gay club named BS West. The BS must stand for bullshit because that place was not fun for me. It was small and packed and just... eh. Although, I saw Fowler (he's back from France), Kyle (in Phx for the summer), and Chris Metz (he's from Tempe). I got sloshy drunk, and had to sleep in my car for like two hours before I felt fine driving. Never drinking while driving ever again.

Thursday I drove to Flagstaff because I wanted to clean up the house a bit before the Masquerade Party on Friday night. That's when I found out my roommates had totally ditched out on the party. Lame. I also made my mask, and it turned out all right.


Friday I lost my debit card GAH. No clue where it is, so I just declared it lost so I could get a new one. Also watched Hairspray twice. That movie is seriously peppy, but I enjoy it nonetheless.

Audrey was no where to be found, so I cleaned everything up and fixed up the garage. K&D were the first to show up, and they looked darling. More people started coming, and the party was... all right. The majority of the times my parties are pretty cool, but this wasn't. I think it's because most of my other group of friends (the singing ones) were all out of town. I dunno. The masks looked cool, though.

Today (well, yesterday now), I went and ate with Fagitron at our new favorite Mexican restaurant ¡Ay Caramba! Then right on the spot we decided that since we couldn't go to Canada, we'll go to Seattle instead. So we went back to his place and while watching numerous episodes of Family Guy, we bought some tickets for Seattle (June 26-July 1). Stoked, but we need to figure out where we're staying, how we're getting around, what to do, etc.

Nighttime I drove to Phx once again. Hung out with Fowler, then met Jake at Club Forbidden. Quite possibly the best club I've been to here in the valley. Didn't drink, but I was dancing all night. It was a great time.

Now it's 5:30 in the a.m., and I can't seem to fall asleep. Oh well, it's good that I got to update. 8^)

I'm off for three weeks! I will be in Tempe, San Luis, and perhaps Tucson.

Stoked!

( And pictures )

I just got rid of maybe 40 people off my friend's list. People I never talk to, people who don't care for me, and people I've decided I can't stand. I suppose it's not a big deal, but it might be a big deal to them.

[total hottie just walked in front of me at Campus Coffee Bean. Nice calves. Aw dammit, he's with a girl. Lucky wench]

I went running with Fagitron yesterday. Not even going to mention his running form. One word: Eek! Anyway, we were running on the FUTS path by Rio de Flag. I swear I only wanted to run for about half an hour. Somehow we ended up on the Arizona Trail, and that kept going on forever. So we kept walking and walking, and we were getting nowhere. I decided to go check to see if there was a road nearby because I kept hearing cars and things. However, that car sound was just the wind in the trees. It was like an illusion to get us lost and off the path. We were lost for like an hour and a half. I got sunburnt because I didn't put sunscreen on. It's funny now, but I was so mad. Fagitron kept saying stuff like "Wow, that's pretty. Look over there," and I'm like, "I don't give a shit, I have no idea where I am!" haha. Anyway, my calves are hella sore. Boo.

I asked for three weeks off work so I can go home. I've recently connected with several old friends from elementary and middle school, and I'm curious as to what is happening with them. My grandma had surgery, so I suppose I'll be doing family stuff, too. I asked my mom for the car, so I'll be driving around places like Tempe and Tucson. Sounds like fun.

During that time, though, I need to find an affordable plane ticket to D.C. If I'm going to be moving out there, I need to check the place if I'm compatible with it or not. I actually like knowing that if moving to a big city doesn't work out, I can always just live in Phoenix. Nice big cushion with many many friends nearby.

I almost feel like leaving now. There's NOTHING to do here in Flagstaff. I have no food. No Internet. No cable. All my friends are gone.

Lastly, I might live in Canada for like two weeks. Can you live somewhere when it's only two weeks? Well, I'm going to try.

P.S. I want to go to Peru!

I had an interesting conversation with Claudia the other day at the Olive Garden.

We've been having snow the last couples of days (I know, f-cking stupid). Claudia is a Christian hostess at the OG, so she's got a whole lot of holy wisdom if asked. Too bad she talks behind everyone's back ouch.

Apparently, someone came up to her one day, telling her that they thought God was mad at them, so that's why we've been having such bad weather the last couple of weeks. I'm not sure he was serious, but Claudia took it as such. She told him that there are two people: evil people and people who do bad things. She told him that he was the latter, that although he does bad things, he's still a good person inside.

I didn't want to say anything about that, so I kept quiet. Then she said that if tomorrow was her day to die, she feels she's almost done everything she could to be a good person to the best of her ability.

This is when I piped in, saying that if I died tomorrow, I wouldn't have had any regrets. The only thing that would have made me sad is that I never had been in a loving relationship. Then I thought about it for several seconds, and added that that not being in love didn't really matter because I loved myself, and that's all that really mattered.

I don't even know why I said that to her. I have never thought of death in that manner, but when I went home and thought about it some more (the defects of being away from Internet 24/7 haha), I came to realize that that's true. I'm pretty sure I'm not dropping dead soon, but even if I was, that'd be OK. I love myself, and that SHOULD be enough. And thank goodness! It took for f-cking ever, I would say. I also know who I am, which is important for living in the now.

Anyway, awesome epiphany.

In other news, I finally got my check from the IRS. $1488!!!!! $200 went to my savings account. $50 to credit debt. $100 for bills. $40 to lunch with friends. $20 for a haircut. I'd like to spend $800 on airfare to Thailand, buuuuuuuuuuut we'll see.

I also have the next two days off. YAY!

P.S. My new obsession is Scott Matthew. His voice breaks my heart, but in the good way! Listen to "In the End" and/or "Language." He's on myspace, too.

Lots of work. I'm not saying that there HAS been work, I'm just saying I've been spending a lot of time there. Tourist season has not started, so I'm basically walking out of the OG with $20 or less every shift. God that's a waste of my time!

Went to Prescott to visit my new amazing friend Amanda. Now you all know that I'm gay (yes, it's true), but this girl... is all around beautiful and amazing. He's funny, she can cook, she hikes every day, she's tanned, she's FACKING HAWT! That's the one girl I would do like whoa. She's already seen my penis, so it's only a matter of time MUAHAHAHHAHAHAA!

I had such a blast with her. Fagitron and I went down to Prescott because he had to go see his old roommate Stacey graduate or something like that. We met up with Stramber and went down to the club scene in downtown P-town. Had some yummy pizzas, like four Adios Motherfuckers (or Mexican Son of a bitch as Noelle likes to call them). Found the dorkiest man I've ever met, and I'm in love with him. Flirted with the guy giving me the pizzas (looks like Hot Brian). Fell asleep at Amanda's, who by the way, has my dream home: big house, scenery, and jacuzzi! That next day Kevin went off to Stacey's reception while I hung out with Amanda. We saw Prince Caspian, and it was so good! We ended the weekend with a BBQ at Amandas. Had like three burgers, two hot dogs, AND dessert. Fat kid! We also got to chill out in the hot tub. Totally need to invest in one of those. Fagitron drove through Jerome on the way home, and it looked pretty cool, a town built into the cliffs. Reminded me of France.

How is it possible that I had such a great time, and there are no pictures to prove it? Boo hisssssssssssssssss.

I think I'm going to spend a day at the movies because I think I want to see everything that is out there right now. Oh wait, I need money for that. Damn it!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAND I've gone over my text messaging by over 90 SMS. Oops. Can't text message until Sunday. No internet, no cable, no text message. How will I ever survive! :'(

Oh yes, and I'm no longer horny. Phew!

I need the help of my readers. All two of you.

Situation:
My mom has decided to give me $5000 to either use it to move somewhere next fall or to get a used car. This is what I'm thinking I should do.

I think I should use it to pay off my debt. Then, once I'm done finishing paying of my credit debt, I should use my credit to get a hybrid. I know they're expensive, but it's such a good investment, especially with gas prices these days ($4?!?)

What do you think? I think it's a good idea, but I need reassurance that this isn't going to turn out horrible.

There is definitely snow on the ground right now. That's so funny because I was just telling some folks who had moved here how temperamental Flagstaff weather can be. "It'll be windy one day, sunshine the next, snow that night, sweat your balls of the day after." Maybe I should be a weather man...

Gah, I have loads to update about! Damn neighbors moving and leaving with the free wifi. How rude!

I graduated this Saturday. Highlights:

* Make out session mmmmmm
* BBQ
* My roommates' parents looooooooove me
* Mom found out I drink
* Got $200 in grad money
* Gave my nieces two of my most prized possessions: Harry Potter wrist bands [sobs]
* Came out to my dad
* Drank LOTS of Patron with Remy
* Cried 3 times haha
* Passed out from being too drunk. First time!

( Grad pictures! )

( Other Flag pictures )

That's all I got.

I would be outside, in the cold, stealing wifi from the HRM building at 1:22 a.m. to download last week's episode of America's Next Top Model.

P.S. I graduate Saturday. Eek.

Nothing is going right. As Kyle said to me, "When it rains, it pours."

I'm leaving Arizona, and it's my hope that I never look back.

Which sucks, because I have SOOOOOOOOOOOO much to say, for once. It includes

*being a victim of internet fraud
*finally finishing the capstone class
*getting the Appreciation Book
*plans for the summer
*plans for next year
*graduation [crosses fingers]
*buying a car

So much. JUST SO MUCH!

I usually don't ask this, but I need your opinions.

Poll #1175986 Gradumation
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Should I include pictures for my graduation invitations?

Other thoughts

Along with learning how to drive stick...

I learned how to sew!!

What's funny is that it took me longer to learn how to sew than to drive stick. Attention, everyone: I may actually be a straight man. Which would explain why I still don't have a man haha

Now for the pissy part of the day...

You all know the problems I'm having with my tax return. Well, today, I got my tax return form BACK. Apparently, the people who helped me do my taxes forgot to tell me to sign on one last piece of information, impeding me from even having taxes done. UGH! In other words, once I send in my tax stuff in again, that'll take six weeks minimum of processing before I can get my money. That's even IF they decide my mom will not have any of my money.

Which brings me to Thailand; I'm not going. Since I was going to use my tax return money to go there, IF I get my money six weeks from now, that'll be the beginning of June. That's the date we were supposed to leave. So now I feel awful because Jade doesn't want to go if I can't go. I am beyond upset/disappointed. I was totally looking forward to this, and I took so much time planning it.

There's a 10% chance I may still be able to swing something by. I'm resilient, if anything, so I'm not giving up just yet. Honestly, though, I need to start bringing in the idea that maybe my plans will not fly. WHICH BLOWS, but ugh I'll get over it, I guess.

It's too late. I'm going to bed because it's the right thing to do.

I suppose since I'm awake, I can talk a bit more about my life. I seem to be slacking on the whole updating thing unless it's tidbits, which I'm not all about. Let's see what I can pull out of my @$$.

I called the IRS today, trying to figure out my tax refund situation. They didn't give me any answers I wanted. They basically said the easiest way for me to get my money is for my mom to redo her tax sh-t. However, I know my mom, and she's not going to. So, what the IRS told me is that they have to wait until my federal tax paperwork is processed (6 weeks). Then they need to make a case whether who's actually going to claim my money. FACK!

It's shitty to not being able to count on your family. I hate hearing about how the families of my friends are so supportive, and I feel like I have no one. Family will always be there, but is that really a good thing? I don't know. If I have a family of my own, I'm going to try sooooooooooooo hard to do better.

Speaking of tax money, Thailand prices are going up, and I'm worried that if prices go past $1400, I won't buy a ticket. Tickets are $1100 right now, and I know I should buy, but... I don't want to use my credit card. I'm 90% refusing to do that. I should just cut that sh-t up and not tempt myself. I'm just on this illusion that my tax refund is going to come soon. How long is that going to take, damn!

I'm done with my capstone paper, and it's such a relief. I have my peer review meeting tomorrow (two classmates and teachers are going to rip my paper apart). That makes me nervous. I want to graduate, but I've totally neglected this class because... well, I'm a procrastinator, even in the face of possibly having to stay another God-damn semester trying to finish college. There are still some things I have to complete before I can even finish this class (stuff I should have turned in months ago, and I can't pass the class unless I have ALL assignments turned in, according to the syllabus), so I should do those as soon as I can (or feel like it, I guess).

In the event that I graduate, I will no longer be in Flagstaff. That sort of breaks my heart-shaped space. Not sure why this happens, but I seem to make amazing friends during the last months before school breaks for summer vacation. Noelle, Carrie, Ronde, Danielle H, Jenny A. Of course, the biggest pain will be when I leave Audrey, Amber, this house. I've lived here for two years, and... fuck, man, it's home! Even after my roommates have told the landlady they won't be here next year, and there are people coming to see the place Thursday, I still went up to Audrey tonight and asked if she was 100% sure she wasn't going to be here another year. It's sad, and I don't think I've been sad in a looooooooooooong time.

I'm pretty sure I'll be moving to the valley. I have dreams about moving to Boston or Seattle, but those are just fancies. I think I want to move to the valley, and I'm sure it is a good decision. My desired spot would be Tempe. My lease doesn't run out until the end of July, so... I should think about possibilities.

OK, I'm going to peer edit my classmate's paper. If I'm still in the mood, I'll write about tour (ha yeah right).

I learned how to drive stick today, and it only took twenty minutes!!!!

So I was at Collin's tonight. I was heading out the door when the cute tall guy dancing with his fag hags groped me all over. He was totally giving me the green light.

What do I do?

I leave. I LEAVE! What the fuck!?

I'm going to cut my genitals off and sell them to Asian people as an aphrodisiac. I'm sick and tired of sexual attraction.

I can't figure out who I miss the most. Sucks that it depends on my mood.

Yesterday was Nick's birthday. I didn't actually think he was going to answer, considering I left a drunken voicemail accusing him of hating me haha. Anyway, I was feeling nice yesterday, I guess. Well, he answered! I was shocked, and I didn't really know what to say. He explained that he's working three jobs and doesn't have much "my" time. Understandable.

I called him again today, and he told me something he probably shouldn't have had. I miss him a lot, crap at least the friendship part. I don't think I've met someone who has much of my personality imbedded in them. Well, the positive thing is that he doesn't dislike me, and his boyfriend had nothing to do with him not talking to me for so long. Kind of a bummer, I was starting to nurse the idea of disliking Billy.

It looks like I'm going to be in Thailand. I was talking to my awesome friend Jade, and when I invited her to come, she seemed hesitant. Then she called me this last weekend, saying how she's starting to come around to the idea of traveling. She's never been out of the country, see, so as I non-chalantly speak about traveling everywhere, she got the travel bug in her, too. She's really serious about wanting to go, so I feel like I have to go, you know? Honestly, I'd rather use the money to pay those GD bills, but... ugh, I can't stand being here anymore. I'm lost, I have no career plans, I have no money, no love. I just want to go. GO!

And shoot, I was going to continue writing about tour, buuuuuuuuuuut it's really early, and I have to do a presentation at 10:20 (which, I'm sure you've guessed, I haven't started on [teeth]). Right now I'm hanging out with Noelle, watching Wild Things. I'd rather talk than write. OK, that's not true. I miss writing on here, but... damn it, I blame it on the cold haha

OK, maybe I will write about tour, but I'm taking a break.

Um, I had a dream that PJ and I were fooling around at my old house in San Luis. What the hell?

What should I do? Or if you can't answer that, what would YOU do?

Poll #1163641 Thailand or bills
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Should I use my tax return money to live in Thailand for a month, or use it to responsibly to pay bills and credit stuff?

If you have other things to say, just leave a comment.

---

Nick finally answered my call! He told me to call him later. He turns 26 today! I wonder if he's bald yet...

... but with pictures 'cause I don't think I'll write about it just yet.

( Disneyland! )

It's official; I am financially fucked.

I need:
1) $100 by April 7 for hospital bill payment.
2) $270 by April 4 for credit card payment.
3) $425 by March 31 for rent.

I made $70 tonight, and I have $50 in my bank account. It also doesn't help that I lost my Saturday night shifts.

I don't even know if it's even possible, but I am going to bust my ass these next two weeks. How did I even spend so much money on my break?? I didn't buy anything.

Anyway, I need a good shower and an even better cry. If I'm still awake, I'll keep writing about tour (before I forget).

If you want an invite to my graduation (May 10, 10:00 a.m.), please gimme your name and address. I'll screen the comments.

I got my taxes done by a professional, and I'm getting $1000+ in tax return. JOY!

I was totally going to buy a ticket to Thailand for the summer, but ugh I have to pay this sh-t pile of hospital bills, and the rest on my credit card. Dog namnit.

By the way, the dude who did my taxes was a total hottie. I get to see him again tomorrow. [grins]

I graduate college in two months.

As some of you know, I was in the hospital. I got my bill yesterday, and since I don't have insurance, it's going to cost me $603.54. FOR BEING THERE TWO HOURS AND GETTING A COTTON SWAB SHOVED UP MY NOSE!?!? What's worse is that the bill is due next week. This is probably the second time this year (and March just started!) that I've had to call my parents for money. I f-cking hate that, especially when I don't really respect them. But what the f-ck, man. I need to call the hospital tomorrow, see if I can get in on some payment plan or something.

Also on my mind, I was planning on going to Sebastopol, California to visit Christine for spring break. I figure taking a Greyhound over there wouldn't be heinous, but I don't think that's feasible anymore, especially with having to pay that ridiculous hospital bill. I dunno, I'm trying to keep my hopes up because I do NOT want to work for my spring break. Asked several people if they'd be interested. I dunno, we'll see.

( And now, tour, along with some pictures. )